Hope Against Hope - Part 2
So... we're pregnant!! Promise fulfilled. Hope realized. Dream come true. Hopefully, you read part 1 and you know the story so far. It's been almost 3 months since that little miracle embryo was transferred to my womb. It's grown from a microscopic embryo to a 3 inch fetus by now. That's a lot of growth, in a short period of time, for this little one. He/she isn't the only one growing. This mama is growing too; Externally, but more internally than ever before.
I'm tearing up writing this even now. I've always known that God is good but experiencing breakthrough like this has really taken my understanding of His goodness to another level. But, to be honest, I'm still learning to "accept" His goodness. There's a huge part of me that still struggles to accept that He did something good for me and it won't be taken away. I don't know where I learned this false perception of God's goodness. But I think trauma works against us really experiencing the goodness of God. Trauma, from the past, tells us that nothing good can happen to us. Trauma screams at the possibility of receiving a dream come true or a promised fulfilled. Trauma tells us that, at any moment, it will be taken away and we will stand again on shaky ground.
For starters, the lie is that we stand on our experiences. The lie is that our experiences hold more weight than the word of God or the character of God. They simply do not. I don't know why we experience the trauma we experience; Whether that be a loss of a loved one, a relationship that we can't seem to repair, abuse as a child, etc. I think the main reason is that we live in an imperfect world. That is why God asks us to pray, "Let your kingdom come. Let your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." This earth is not Heaven, obviously, so it's not perfect. We are not perfect. BUT there is a redemptive God who is not outside of any circumstance. He has a redemptive solution to every... single... experience. Jesus died to redeem every action caused by sin. In fact, He has already redeemed every situation we face, past, present & future.
Before we found out we were pregnant I had to come to terms with the fact that this could end in us not being pregnant and that we'd have to start from scratch somehow. I had to come to terms with the very real heartbreak that would certainly follow that news. My truth was that no matter the outcome of this situation, God was still the same, He was still good and that I was (eventually) going to be ok AND that this was not the end of the story! Just days before we found out the good news, I listened to a podcast by Kris Vallotton (http://podcasts.ibethel.org/en/podcasts/walking-through-pain) that highly recommend for anyone going through something painful. He quoted, "If you're still in pain then your story isn't over." That quote hit me so hard, in a good way. Gods' stories NEVER end in pain. So, if we got the outcome that we weren't pregnant, all it meant was that the story wasn't over yet. God had something different in mind for us and no matter what, the story was going to end well.
My hope in sharing our story is that if you find yourself in pain, remember this isn't the end. God will fulfill every plan, purpose, dream & promise for your life. Though you may be in the throws of pain and heartbreak, God is not finished writing your story. He is good and His plan for you is ALWAYS good. You will experience the goodness of God in the situation you are facing. I'm living proof of that.