Staying Vulnerable

I don't know about you but I battle with staying vulnerable in relationships. My default is walls AKA a good defense. You can't hurt me if you can't get near me. Marriage has a way of constantly challenging me to stay vulnerable. Recently, I caught myself building some walls to keep my spouse out. What's my emotional brick and mortar? It's stuffing the issue way deep down and ignoring it then it looks like distancing myself (no affection, limited communication, etc.). I think I do this because I somehow think if I don't care then I can't be hurt when it's actually worse to pretend not to care. It creates a false sense of security. I think I'm safe when in actuality I'm setting myself up for even more pain and hurt. I'm learning that I need to be honest with my spouse, with the little things and the big things. Sometimes we brush off stuff, thinking it's not a big deal, that actually really bothers us and could be fixed by a simple and honest conversation. I find myself evaluating why I have put up a wall. Is there a wall because I've been feeling this way about this issue for awhile? Is there a wall because this reminds me of something in the past someone else did to me? These questions help me figure out when and why it started. This applies to all of our relationships. We all have potential of offending one another, sometimes without realizing it. Take a look at your walls. Address why and when they started and then start to tear those things down by having an honest conversation with your spouse. You'll save yourself deeper hurt and pain.