Sex! Yep, we're talking about it!

Haven't done a sex post yet but there's never a better time than now, right? :) Since I've been married almost 11 years I have quite the experience on this topic (not implying anything here) but just saying that when you've been married to one person for this long you have gone through quite the gamut of sexual experiences, conversations, exploration and the like. Today I want to talk about the most valuable lessons I've learned about sex. A little background on me in regards to this topic, I grew up thinking sex was bad, period. I learned about sex from what my friends said/did and what the TV and movies said/did. No one sat me down and said THIS is what sex is and how God created it to be. I'm sure I'm not alone in this and you may have had a similar experience. When I gave my life to God and began to follow Him I still had, and probably even more so, a view that sex was bad. I had a few horrible sexual experiences before I gave my life to God that were very traumatizing. When I started to walk out this christian life, in my heart, I kind of swore off anything remotely having to do with sex. I started dating Rob when I was 20 and had made a covenant with God that I would save myself for marriage. Ultimately, Rob and I had sex before we were married and it was devastating for me. I felt like God was disappointed in me and that His grace had lifted from my life. I carried guilt and shame from that into our marriage and because I never allowed the forgiveness and grace of God into my life, because I didn't know how to, it greatly affected almost every area of my life and definitely our sex life. This mindset I had on sex and the shame I carried with it took years to repair and correct. The good news is that that mindset and association of shame, around sex, has completely been removed and God has restored back to me the beauty, joy and purity of sex. That being said, this journey I've had has left me with some very valuable nuggets of wisdom that I'd like to share with you.

So here we go,

1)

Talk. Talk about sex with your spouse. It doesn't matter what you want/need to talk about. Just talk about it. The one person you can and should talk to about sex is your spouse. Rob and I have gone through SO MANY different seasons of life which have in turn affected our intimacy sexually. Every season is different. Your sex life changes all the time based off of what is happening in the other areas of your life. The best thing you can do is talk about where you're at with it. Which leads into my next nugget,

2)

Know the season you are in and the season your spouse is in. Sometimes one person in the marriage is going through something that is difficult. Remember that sex isn't it's own little department within marriage that carries on regardless of what is going on in life. Everything is connected. What happens in life affects every other area. Be patient with your spouse and again, talk about it.

3)

Let go. Sex is the most intimate experience you can have with someone. Sex was meant to allow you to let go and let your walls down so let it. If you're a bit of a control freak, like me, this can be one of the most liberating and powerful things you do. Letting go of control to experience the greatest intimacy you could ever experience with a human being is one of the most amazing things you can do.

4)

Be yourself. We are told our whole lives, through media, what sex should be like. OUR WHOLE LIVES. From an early age we've been exposed to so much over-sexualized media. Sex is you and your spouse. That's it. It gets to be what you want it to be and not what the world or anyone else is telling you it should be. Let it be what you and your spouse create together. Don't put unnecessary pressure on it to be something it's not supposed to be. Finally, this is the most important nugget,

5)

Invite God into your sex life. I know that sounds weird but it's actually not. He knows ALL about it and can seriously help. I've had many times that I've just asked God to help me. He is so faithful to provide wisdom, peace and the miraculous. In the beginning of our marriage and when I was still getting healing in regards to sex and when it wasn't what it is now, beautiful and enjoyable, I would ask God to help me to enjoy it and all of a sudden I could and I was able to let go and let Him help me. There's nothing you could do/think/say/etc. that will ever surprise God. He knows us better and more intimately than we could ever imagine. Let Him guide you through this journey. Sex is an ever-changing and beautiful aspect of our marriages. Talk about it, know the season you and your spouse are in, let go, be yourself and invite God into it. He made you and He loves you.